It is an honor to be Gail’s caregiver. I say that often, and I mean it. I take real pleasure in finding things I can do to make her days easier, and I want to share one with you.
Every person with dementia is at a different stage, so yours may not match Gail. Gail has no trouble dressing herself. What she has trouble with is deciding what to wear. Her short-term memory is short enough that once she picks an outfit and lays it out on the bed, she can forget she did it and start looking for another one.
A while back I wrote about “Being there.” Sometimes being there is all it takes. I become Gail’s short-term memory without making a show of it. I pick up the outfit she laid out and carry it along with her. I start putting the other outfits back in the closet. I do not announce that I am helping her get dressed. I just make it easier by being in the room.
I smile as I write this, because I take pleasure in something else too. Gail trusts me. I am her safe person. She works hard to hold it together around other people, but with me she will look up and say, “I’m so confused.”
I used to answer with, “What can I help you with?” A question is one more thing she has to work out. Now I watch what she is doing and step into whatever role she needs. Some days I am the sorter. Some days I am the folder. Some days I help her figure out whether the laundry is coming out of the dryer or going into the washer.
I do not have to offer help. I only have to be there.
Some of you may hear “sitting with someone” and picture a person sick in bed who cannot do much. Being there matters just as much when the person is up and moving. Your being there can make them feel more secure, and being that person can bring you some peace too.
Email me at gregg@atenda.care and tell me one thing you do that makes the day easier for the person you care for, the kind of thing that makes your own day feel worthwhile.
Gregg
Get a letter like this every Tuesday.
