Some folks spend their lives looking for a better shovel. I would rather dig the hole. I care more about the quality of the hole than the quality of the tool that got me there.
Put that way, I sound like a man who resists new tools. For a long stretch I was one. My father used to say, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” I took him at his word. When calculators showed up at the office, I made fun of the coworkers who needed one to finish an expense report. Heck, I could do the math in my head, and I was proud of it.
Then I skipped the calculator and went straight to the spreadsheet. Today I would not do an expense report without one. (My old coworkers are welcome to enjoy that.)
I was raised to believe hard work is good, not only for what it produces but for the person doing it. I still believe that. Caregiving tested it. A caregiver cannot run on hard work alone. A caregiver needs something that lets one person carry the load of two and still have energy left at night.
My care plan for Gail has two steps.
- If it makes Gail more comfortable, I do it.
- If it makes caregiving easier, I do it.
Two steps is the whole plan, and the plan tells me what to keep and what to drop. I researched vitamin supplements and decided Gail did not need them, so we do not bother. An aspirin that relieves her headache, I give. Neither decision had anything to do with whether a thing was old or new. Both were about the result.
Old tools pass that test every day. A note on the bathroom mirror. A hug when the day gets hard. Neither one is broken, so I do not fix it.
Now you may be thinking, “Gregg, isn’t AtendaCare one more newfangled gadget? The shiny shovel you just told me not to chase?” Fair question. I would have asked it myself, back when I was teasing coworkers about their calculators.
AtendaCare runs on the same two steps as my care plan for Gail: care for the person you look after, and support for the one doing the looking after. Caregivers have lived by both steps for as long as there have been caregivers. What has been missing is help with the second one. Most of what is out there is built for the person receiving care. AtendaCare is built for the person giving it, TOO.
Journaling is a good example. If you journal and it works for you, keep going. Most caregivers do not, and I understand why. At the end of a long day, the notebook is one more chore. AtendaCare ties its support to a journal, and that has made my life easier. The journal is an old tool I already trusted. AtendaCare carries part of the load, the same way the spreadsheet took over from pencil and paper. The time I save, I spend with Gail.
I have said before that being there is 80% of the battle in caregiving. Every tool I keep earns its place by giving me more of that 80%. When a new tool comes along, do not ask whether it is new. Ask whether it digs a better hole. Then set the shovel down and go sit with your mom or your husband.
Email me at gregg@atenda.care and tell me the one old tool you would never give up. Mine is the note on the mirror.
Gregg
Get a letter like this every Tuesday.
