Caregiver Wisdom
by Gregg Fous, Founder, AtendaCare™
Most people don’t know how to talk with a caregiver. They say, “Let me know what you need,” and mean it kindly — but that phrase leaves the hard part to the person already carrying too much.
After months of training Atenda, our voice-first caregiving companion, I realized that what helps caregivers most isn’t perfect advice — it’s conversation that feels real.
Proactive listening. Words that open the door instead of closing it.
Here are ten ideas — not scripts or formulas, but examples you can try — to start the kind of conversation that brings a caregiver back into connection.
1. “Tell me about your world today.”
Not “How are you?” but “Tell me.” It says you’ve got time to listen and you actually want to hear the truth.
2. “I want to hear about something that made you smile or proud today.”
Small wins matter. This invites reflection without pretending everything’s fine.
3. “What’s something your husband (or your mom) still enjoys doing?”
Using their real relationship word brings the person back into focus — not the diagnosis, but the bond that still exists.
4. “Share with me what’s been hard lately, and maybe something that’s gone okay too.”
This balances empathy with hope. It makes space for both struggle and resilience.
5. “So when you get time alone, how do you spend it — or what would you like to do?”
This gently opens the door to self-care without guilt. Even imagining rest can be healing.
6. “What goes through your mind when you get advice from people who don’t really understand?”
It gives the caregiver permission to vent, laugh, or roll their eyes — and to feel seen in their expertise.
7. “Tell me about the good kind of tired.”
Caregivers know both kinds — the exhaustion that drains and the fatigue that feels earned. Let them tell you which one today is.
8. “What’s something you miss talking about?”
It reawakens identity. It’s a bridge back to hobbies, humor, or the old conversations that remind them who they still are.
9. “Who checks in on you?”
A quiet reminder that caregivers deserve care, too. Asking the question might make you part of that answer.
10. “What advice would you give to someone in your shoes?”
People love to be asked for wisdom. It honors their experience and restores a sense of purpose.
At AtendaCare™, these are the same principles we used to teach Atenda how to listen — not to fix, but to draw people out. We call it proactive listening.
When you ask questions like these, you’re not performing empathy; you’re creating it.
You’re saying, “You still matter. Your story matters. I’ve got time to hear it.”
That’s how Atenda listens. And that’s how all of us can help the caregivers we know — one real conversation at a time.
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